Thoughts of a Sprite

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Again I Ponder

Once again I find myself watching the movie, Everafter, pondering what it is that is so terribly hard about relationships. Why is it that men are so very different? I simply do not understand them! After five years of being a cold hearted biotch, I have finally let someone in, or perhaps he just broke in on his own, I have yet to figure that out. He is a good man, but so very aggravating. I now remember why it is that I shut them out to begin with. It has been only a short while, but already I find myself falling, and the very first thing he does, as soon as I let my guard down, is hurt me. I have cried over a man for a the first time since "He who shall never be named."

He does thoughtful things, don't get me wrong, he got my windows tinted for Christmas. He put a lot of thought into it too. When we are together, it is like we are the only two people on this earth. He calls me everynight, and keeps me on the telly for hours... (I have never been much one to just hang on the phone.) When I am with him, it is obvious that I am the focal point of all of his attention. But when we are not together, he can be such a typical man! He is a very funny guy, but sometimes he says things without thinking about how it is going to sound, and it is hurtful. And we are both very busy people, but he just seems to be too busy. I have not seen him since the Thursday before Christmas. Then we make plans, and he promptly backs out. Something about having to help his father with one of his jobs. It would not have been such a big issue, but he left me wondering until 1500. Then tried to play dumb and say we didn't have plans... Oh good lord I was PISSED!

Prime example of speaking before thinking. Then he had to spend New Years with his family, understandable, but he said he would call me at Midnight, so I waited, and waited, and guess what, yeah waited somemore! It really stung a little, because new years is a time when you are supposed to share warm wishes with those you care about. He just doesn't think before he acts, or speaks for that matter.

What bothers me so about the whole ordeal, is that he actually gets to me. If he were anyone else, I would have kicked him to the curb. I care about him, I would venture to say I am falling for him, if I haven't already fallen. He did apologize and it was a good apology, and we then had a really long talk, again. I told him that I am willing to give this every effort to make it work, but that he also has to give it an effort. I find myself in a percarious situation. He makes me so happy as far as relationships go, I feel things that I did not ever think I would feel again, but with that happieness comes a certian amount of pain. I do not like the pain part, but I must say that it is worth it, to see him smile when he looks into my eyes, to hear his heart beat when I lie my head on his chest, and to hear him laugh, makes my heart soar.

So I ponder, if love is so happy, why does it hurt so? Why is it always those who we let in that hurt us the most? Why is it that men never follow through with what they say. Is there a man that is trustworthy out there? A man worth Loving? I slip away to the comfort of my Fairytale, and think that perhaps there is some hope.

end rant/

The house has finally come together. We have our furniture, and pretty much everything is put away. The kitchen was the first to come together, but I just hung the curtains (by muh self) tonight. I had to find a curtain rod that would fit a 23" window.... (yes I did the girl thing, I was upset so I went shopping, but not to the mall as usual, I went to Lowes, the man mall... perhaps to help understand men, but perhaps just because I needed some hardware) We just need to hang the pictures in the living room now.

We are having dinner company tomorrow, Mom, and Gail and her children. Yeah, we are having Larry's famous Fettuchini Alfredo, Garlic Bread, and Salads...

Well all, this will have to do for now, as I am tired of thinking... I cannot wait until we get our DSL should be sometime this week... Until then, takecare all!

shes_a_sprite @ 11:36 PM.

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